ThinkStockWe’ve
all heard horror stories about Internet dates—they usually involve
someone lying about their age or height, being a bad tipper, or ditching
the evening entirely.
So it may surprise you to learn that
couples that met online reported slightly happier marriages than those
who met offline, according to a study published this week in the
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
In a survey of around 19,000 participants, researchers found that 6.7%
marriages that started offline ended in separation or divorce.
Meanwhile, only 5.9% of marriages that began through dating sites ended
in separation or divorce.
It may seem like a small difference, but it's just the
beginning of tracking long-term effects of the Internet on our personal
lives. Because online dating is still so new to our cultural framework,
we're only just starting to measure the impact it will have on marriage
and, perhaps, divorce. According to the Center for Disease Control, the
country's current divorce rate is an estimated 44% -- but this figure
encompasses a longer time period than the study. We don't know if online
daters will maintain their lower divorce rate, given another 10 or 20
years. This latest study does raise questions about the new ways we
decide on partners and how it may affect our compatibility in the long
term.
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The study was led by John T. Cacioppo, a psychology professor at the
University of Chicago’s psychology department. Cacioppo, who could not
be reached for comment, found that 30% of couples that tied the knot
between 2005 and 2012 met online (45% of them through a dating site, and
the rest through social media, chat rooms, instant messaging, and other
venues). Even more interesting: Couples that met online tended to be
more educated and employed, and had longer marriages than couples that
met offline. Despite the encouraging findings for online daters, the
research has been met with skepticism, considering its financial backer
is the online dating site
eHarmony.
Still, the research was overseen by independent statisticians and is
being considered a significant contribution to research on marriage and
the Internet.
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how could an online profile promise a lifetime of happily ever after?
“It’s a bit of a mystery to us, but it could be because people who sign
up for online dating are more goal-oriented toward dating in the first
place,” says Grant Langston, vice president of customer experience at
eHarmony. “Unlike, say, meeting at a bar, people who join an
online dating service
may be more serious about finding love. They may also meet people
they're more compatible with from the start. For example, at eHarmony,
customers fill out an extensive personal questionnaire so we can best
match them.”
There’s also the idea that people tend to be more
relaxed and candid when they’re not in person and contending with facial
cues and body language. “When people aren't anxious, they may fill out
their profiles more honestly,” says Langston. And that transparency can
save time when weeding out potential suitors.
As for sticking it
out for the long haul, Langston said when couples make their match in a
more thoughtful manner from the get-go, the the odds for a stronger,
long-lasting marriage are better.
However, according to Paul
Hokemeyer,
PhD, a New York City-based licensed marriage and family therapist,
online dating can offer its share of complications. "There are some
people who are committed to the hunt of finding a relationship, but are
not necessarily interested in maintaining it," he says. "Someone may put
lots of effort into creating an online dating profile because they get a
thrill from the possibility of new relationships. To them, online
dating is a numbers game, rather than a method for finding true love.
"There
are many reasons to try online dating—maybe you live in a remote area,
are too busy to go out and meet people, or are shy in social
settings—but you may not want to put too much stock into how you met a
person," says Hokemeyer. "Some relationships flourish based on qualities
that a dating algorithm can't measure and nothing beats the magic of
locking eyes with someone for the first time."
